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08.25.10 | Where They Are Now
four years later: lila & a.
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Lila and A. were married in Raleigh, and we have stayed in touch since then -- my own daughter Lila Mae is named after this lovely Lila -- and she is a Shutterbabes graduate, as well. Now that Lila is expecting her second child (a girl!) in November, it was time to get the whole family together for a session and to check in with their lives and marriage. Be sure to check out earlier installments of this series HERE
Lila writes:
"I'm not sure if there was a blinding moment where I instantly knew that A. was "the one". I would describe it more of a feeling that I had from the very beginning. There is no other way for me to describe it other than to say it felt like I was home.
For me, the single most memorable moment of our wedding day was right after we were married and we walked out of the doors into the stone breezeway at the church. We had that tiny little brief moment together before the rest of the wedding party poured out. It was February and cold. It had just begun to snow and the world seemed quieted by the snowflakes. There was an electricity in the air -- and for me it spoke of the exciting world that lie ahead of us.
Life for us now is just as good as it was that day. I couldn't ask for anything more. Is it possible to change while staying the same? That's kind of what it feels like. So many things have happened but we are still the same Lila and A.
Being a parent has changed a lot of things in our marriage. It presents constant challenges. There is no room for selfishness. The desire to do the best thing for your child usually makes compromise easy, though. There is also less time for each other so you have to stay aware of the amount of time you have spent together. It's important to realize if you need to take time out for the two of you to reconnect and share a laugh or, even better, a bottle of wine!
One thing I know for sure that I didn't know before having our son is how to appreciate things. Small things and moments become so valuable once you have a child. I notice and appreciate things that I would have overlooked before.
If I had to give advice to couples starting out it would be to take your time with everything. Don't rush -- enjoy each stage of your marriage and/or parenthood. It all seems to be happening so fast -- you'll blink and five years will have gone by."
Lila writes:
"I'm not sure if there was a blinding moment where I instantly knew that A. was "the one". I would describe it more of a feeling that I had from the very beginning. There is no other way for me to describe it other than to say it felt like I was home.
For me, the single most memorable moment of our wedding day was right after we were married and we walked out of the doors into the stone breezeway at the church. We had that tiny little brief moment together before the rest of the wedding party poured out. It was February and cold. It had just begun to snow and the world seemed quieted by the snowflakes. There was an electricity in the air -- and for me it spoke of the exciting world that lie ahead of us.
Life for us now is just as good as it was that day. I couldn't ask for anything more. Is it possible to change while staying the same? That's kind of what it feels like. So many things have happened but we are still the same Lila and A.
Being a parent has changed a lot of things in our marriage. It presents constant challenges. There is no room for selfishness. The desire to do the best thing for your child usually makes compromise easy, though. There is also less time for each other so you have to stay aware of the amount of time you have spent together. It's important to realize if you need to take time out for the two of you to reconnect and share a laugh or, even better, a bottle of wine!
One thing I know for sure that I didn't know before having our son is how to appreciate things. Small things and moments become so valuable once you have a child. I notice and appreciate things that I would have overlooked before.
If I had to give advice to couples starting out it would be to take your time with everything. Don't rush -- enjoy each stage of your marriage and/or parenthood. It all seems to be happening so fast -- you'll blink and five years will have gone by."
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02.13.10 | Where They Are Now
Four Years Later: Elizabeth & Ryan
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This little feature is becoming one of my favorite things to share here, and this story is particularly moving because Ryan is currently deployed in Iraq. He was able to come home briefly to witness the birth of his son. He and Elizabeth have a beautiful marriage and her update letter is so full of wisdom. Elizabeth writes:
"Ryan and I had our first child, Luke Ryan, in October. Thankfully, Ryan was able to be home from Iraq for two weeks to support me and watch his baby boy come into the world. Our lives are quite disheveled right now as I am living with my parents while Ryan is away. We (my two dogs and I) moved from Washington state back to NC to be close to family and friends while Ryan was deployed.
Ryan and I struggle daily with the loneliness of being apart and the difficulty of living a life that is separate as husband and wife. And now with our precious boy in our life, it makes Ryan's distance even more difficult. However, God has been good to strengthen our bond and marriage despite the miles apart. All the hours of time talking on the phone have enriched our relationship and given us the time to talk about things that in the normal busy-ness of life we would most likely neglect. This has made us grow in our understanding of each other and love for each other. God also has sustained us and given us lots of grace and peace to endure this hard time.
Our 4th wedding anniversary was spent apart. What I wouldn't have given for just one kiss from my man! I do what I can and kiss little Luke...knowing that in a small way I'm kissing his daddy, too.
I truly believe that being parents has made us love each other more. What a gift we have been given...and given to each other in the life of our child! Just being able to see our love embodied in our son has enriched our marriage and brought a new dimension to it. Seeing Ryan love his child has made me fall in love with him as a father...and I believe he feels the same way about watching me become a mother. I love my husband for who he is in all of his roles - as a husband, friend, lover, son, brother, soldier...and now as a father to my child. As parents, not only do Ryan and I get to enjoy our son...but we get to enjoy each other in the ways Luke has changed us.
To couples just starting out I would say this: Talk, talk, talk...and really talk. Don't hold back, and be open and honest with each other about everything. If you can truly be vulnerable with your spouse and still have them love you back, there is nothing better. Because then you know they love the REAL you. Give your spouse permission to be his or her "worst self" with you and give them security that you will love them and strive to understand them no matter what they reveal. This builds trust. The journey is so much easier after that.
Finally, look to God for help to truly love. True love is not selfish and thinks of the other person first. It takes a lot of grace to love your spouse this way, but the relationship you develop as a result is worth all of the hard work."
"Ryan and I had our first child, Luke Ryan, in October. Thankfully, Ryan was able to be home from Iraq for two weeks to support me and watch his baby boy come into the world. Our lives are quite disheveled right now as I am living with my parents while Ryan is away. We (my two dogs and I) moved from Washington state back to NC to be close to family and friends while Ryan was deployed.
Ryan and I struggle daily with the loneliness of being apart and the difficulty of living a life that is separate as husband and wife. And now with our precious boy in our life, it makes Ryan's distance even more difficult. However, God has been good to strengthen our bond and marriage despite the miles apart. All the hours of time talking on the phone have enriched our relationship and given us the time to talk about things that in the normal busy-ness of life we would most likely neglect. This has made us grow in our understanding of each other and love for each other. God also has sustained us and given us lots of grace and peace to endure this hard time.
Our 4th wedding anniversary was spent apart. What I wouldn't have given for just one kiss from my man! I do what I can and kiss little Luke...knowing that in a small way I'm kissing his daddy, too.
I truly believe that being parents has made us love each other more. What a gift we have been given...and given to each other in the life of our child! Just being able to see our love embodied in our son has enriched our marriage and brought a new dimension to it. Seeing Ryan love his child has made me fall in love with him as a father...and I believe he feels the same way about watching me become a mother. I love my husband for who he is in all of his roles - as a husband, friend, lover, son, brother, soldier...and now as a father to my child. As parents, not only do Ryan and I get to enjoy our son...but we get to enjoy each other in the ways Luke has changed us.
To couples just starting out I would say this: Talk, talk, talk...and really talk. Don't hold back, and be open and honest with each other about everything. If you can truly be vulnerable with your spouse and still have them love you back, there is nothing better. Because then you know they love the REAL you. Give your spouse permission to be his or her "worst self" with you and give them security that you will love them and strive to understand them no matter what they reveal. This builds trust. The journey is so much easier after that.
Finally, look to God for help to truly love. True love is not selfish and thinks of the other person first. It takes a lot of grace to love your spouse this way, but the relationship you develop as a result is worth all of the hard work."
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01.08.10 | Where They Are Now
Two Years Later: Rhiannon & Mike
I have a soft spot in my heart for artists of all kinds, especially musicians, so when Rhiannon Giddens called to ask if we could shoot her wedding back in 2007, I was so psyched. Matthew was the primary photographer and I got to have fun as his second-shooter. The icing on the proverbial cake was that REAL SIMPLE Weddings was looking for interesting stories and DIY weddings, and ended up featuring Rhiannon and Mike in their 2008 issue.
This lovely, creative couple had a baby girl seven months ago, and here is their story. Enjoy!
Wedding Day: September 1, 2007
Greensboro, North Carolina
This lovely, creative couple had a baby girl seven months ago, and here is their story. Enjoy!
Greensboro, North Carolina
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What is the single most memorable moment about the wedding day for each of you?
MIKE: It had to be when I first saw Rhiannon coming down the aisle in the sanctuary - my nervousness fled, I started getting excited and I thought - "game on!"
RHI: Well it was a day chock full of them, but one of my favorites was in the reception when the band was playing a polka and Mike and I were jigging around in our wedding finery, completely happy.
MIKE: It had to be when I first saw Rhiannon coming down the aisle in the sanctuary - my nervousness fled, I started getting excited and I thought - "game on!"
RHI: Well it was a day chock full of them, but one of my favorites was in the reception when the band was playing a polka and Mike and I were jigging around in our wedding finery, completely happy.
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What is life like for you today?
We are currently either at home, where Mike works at Foy's Piano Restoration Shop and I stay home with Aoife, or we are on tour with my band The Carolina Chocolate Drops, where Mike hangs out with Aoife when I am on stage. We are so very blessed to be able to be with her full-time whether at home or out and are enjoying every minute of it!
We are currently either at home, where Mike works at Foy's Piano Restoration Shop and I stay home with Aoife, or we are on tour with my band The Carolina Chocolate Drops, where Mike hangs out with Aoife when I am on stage. We are so very blessed to be able to be with her full-time whether at home or out and are enjoying every minute of it!
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How has being a parent changed your marriage?
Being parents has made us even more of a team than we were before; there's suddenly this person who is more important than either one of us who needs an awful lot of attention. It's made us see things in each other that we didn't know about before, both good and bad, but mostly good. As we watch each other with our daughter, we are happier than ever that we chose each other for life partners.
Being parents has made us even more of a team than we were before; there's suddenly this person who is more important than either one of us who needs an awful lot of attention. It's made us see things in each other that we didn't know about before, both good and bad, but mostly good. As we watch each other with our daughter, we are happier than ever that we chose each other for life partners.
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What advice, if any, do you have for couples just beginning their marriage journey?
RHI: Make sure you have enough time together before you think about having kids -- couple life doesn't end after baby, but it gets a lot tougher to have premium time together. Don't go to bed mad at each other -- make it a habit to figure out what's eating either of you before you bed down.
MIKE: Honesty -- always be straight with each other, and with yourselves. Acceptance - let your partner be who they are, and love them for that.
RHI: Make sure you have enough time together before you think about having kids -- couple life doesn't end after baby, but it gets a lot tougher to have premium time together. Don't go to bed mad at each other -- make it a habit to figure out what's eating either of you before you bed down.
MIKE: Honesty -- always be straight with each other, and with yourselves. Acceptance - let your partner be who they are, and love them for that.
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12.22.09 | Where They Are Now
Three Years Later: Beth & Terry
Winston-Salem, NC
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What is the single most memorable moment about the wedding day for each of you?
Beth: When I walked down the aisle and saw Terry wipe tears from his eyes. Seeing a man in uniform cry puts a special spin on things. Everyone else disappeared at that moment.
Terry: Seeing her walking toward me. She'd never looked so beautiful.
Beth: When I walked down the aisle and saw Terry wipe tears from his eyes. Seeing a man in uniform cry puts a special spin on things. Everyone else disappeared at that moment.
Terry: Seeing her walking toward me. She'd never looked so beautiful.
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What is life like for you today?
In a word: AMAZING. We're busier than ever and it's a new level of hectic, but everyday brings little gifts. Our house is messier and dinner comes from a box more than I'd like to admit. However, we have more laughter and tears that come from constant amazement. These two little people have big personalities!
In a word: AMAZING. We're busier than ever and it's a new level of hectic, but everyday brings little gifts. Our house is messier and dinner comes from a box more than I'd like to admit. However, we have more laughter and tears that come from constant amazement. These two little people have big personalities!
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How has being a parent changed your marriage?
We are closer in so many ways, but definitely have to make more of an effort for "us" time. Even when things are tough, we have two little miracles that remind us of how much we love each other. We make a great team.
We are closer in so many ways, but definitely have to make more of an effort for "us" time. Even when things are tough, we have two little miracles that remind us of how much we love each other. We make a great team.
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What advice, if any, do you have for couples just beginning their marriage journey?
Appreciate the little things. Continue to be each other's biggest fan. Communication truly is key. It's definitely a JOURNEY!
Appreciate the little things. Continue to be each other's biggest fan. Communication truly is key. It's definitely a JOURNEY!
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12.02.09 | Where They Are Now
Five Years Later: Kristi & John
Oxford, North Carolina
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What is the single most memorable moment about the wedding day for each of you?
Kristi: Tropical depression Gaston was blowing through and it rained right up until I started to walk up the aisle. It was so beautiful and peaceful walking down the beach to meet John, time just seemed to stand still. I love how everything looks so vibrant and alive after it rains, even though it threw a few kinks in our plans, I really feel that the rain was a special gift from God, to the two of us, on our special day.
John: My most memorable moment was when Kristi started walking down the aisle toward me. It was at that instant that the steady sprinkle from the sky finally stopped and the clouds parted. She was just breathtaking and it seemed like the weather thought so, too. The sun broke through and made for a beautiful ceremony, we were very blessed.
Kristi: Tropical depression Gaston was blowing through and it rained right up until I started to walk up the aisle. It was so beautiful and peaceful walking down the beach to meet John, time just seemed to stand still. I love how everything looks so vibrant and alive after it rains, even though it threw a few kinks in our plans, I really feel that the rain was a special gift from God, to the two of us, on our special day.
John: My most memorable moment was when Kristi started walking down the aisle toward me. It was at that instant that the steady sprinkle from the sky finally stopped and the clouds parted. She was just breathtaking and it seemed like the weather thought so, too. The sun broke through and made for a beautiful ceremony, we were very blessed.
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What is life like for you today?
We now live in Charlotte where John does construction estimating for a local builder and I'm a stay-at-home mom. We have an almost two- year old daughter, Nori, and a son expected this month.
We now live in Charlotte where John does construction estimating for a local builder and I'm a stay-at-home mom. We have an almost two- year old daughter, Nori, and a son expected this month.
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How has being a parent changed your marriage?
Being a parent has been an amazing experience; for me it has been one of the most challenging and rewarding adventures that I have been on. Having Nori has really been like holding up a mirror to myself. You get to see all these lovely things that you never noticed before, but also you witness the raw truth of the sin in your own life. Although this is extremely humbling, it's like God personally pursuing your heart daily through this little girl. This growth I feel has made me not only a better mother but a better wife and I know I love more freely because of it. I guess the best way to describe our marriage and our family would be joyful, blessed, and thankful.
Being a parent has been an amazing experience; for me it has been one of the most challenging and rewarding adventures that I have been on. Having Nori has really been like holding up a mirror to myself. You get to see all these lovely things that you never noticed before, but also you witness the raw truth of the sin in your own life. Although this is extremely humbling, it's like God personally pursuing your heart daily through this little girl. This growth I feel has made me not only a better mother but a better wife and I know I love more freely because of it. I guess the best way to describe our marriage and our family would be joyful, blessed, and thankful.
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What advice, if any, do you have for couples just beginning their marriage journey?
Be willing to grow. You aren't perfect now and neither is your spouse, you both need God's help. Work hard for each other. Be patient and speak gently. Love follows respect, both coming and going. Enjoy each other!
Be willing to grow. You aren't perfect now and neither is your spouse, you both need God's help. Work hard for each other. Be patient and speak gently. Love follows respect, both coming and going. Enjoy each other!
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